The clouds are drifting across the sky. Soft and so full of light, feather edged they blow and the sky is grey behind them.The golden hour brings real colour to our street, the bowing leaves of a palm coconut are caught in light and they sway it seems in the simple joy of movement. I think that is finally what God has brought me to in this place after the colours of the past few days are settling into His light. The joy of movement. This world touched me with a strange belonging within my initial sight its white beaches from the plane, and even more so after the bright unorthodox trip home in the G’s put-put van. A strange battle has been fought in the past few days. My own spirit giving one last push of panic to spare the loss of closely held dreams and expectations, building denial against new realisation, straining and cringing against my souls absolute and deep knowledge that it is here- with all that here is and will prove to be- that God has ordained for me.And so through these stomach weighing waves, I see again so clearly the zealous reasoning for my attachment to the developing world. It is here that I am undone at every turn unless hand lead by the Spirit of the Almighty God. It is here that I am broken to humility a hundred times a day so my knees are familiar with the comfort before His throne. It is here that I am mouldable clay.I have had to ask since arrival for the restoration of my joy. And today I feel its restoration. How can I, being Janelle Waines, not be constantly delighted by exploration of the Davao public transport system, the colourful and consistently questionable Jeepney’s and Tricabs; in wonder at how I survived all these years without the versatile malong; satisfied with all the new and fantastic available food...Asia has romanced me...whatever will I do? Have I even begun to express the tingling I experience every time I see a petite golden Filipino woman waddling from the clinic with a beautifully rounded belly? Ha ha! On my room door the names of my roommates and I appear on creatively decorated construction paper along with our name meanings. Underneath “Janelle” is written “God is Gracious.” God is gracious... He knows the desires of my heart, so much deeper than my plans and expectations, and invites me into a place where I am fulfilled. This place where I cannot be fooled into confidence, where I have no option but humility is the only place where my deepest desire, the desire of God’s presence, is fufilled.
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